i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize