I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
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It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
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But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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