On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There's always time for handjobs
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
