I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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