you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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