Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
