I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
