i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
