And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My dick has a subreddit
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
