how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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