found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
