My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
