I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
