hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
