i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
