Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
