you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
