What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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