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I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
