yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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