I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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