i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
