I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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