I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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