I just saw a hot homeless man
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
