You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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