This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
