I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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