I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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