goodnight i made you a song goodbye
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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