I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
