If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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