I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
