I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
