chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i now understand why vodka
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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