you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
40s are totally the cure
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
