we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
