I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
