Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
