she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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