I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
