So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
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It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
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I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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