Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
