I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
