I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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