I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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