oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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