youre lurking in front of me
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
