Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Randomize