sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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