I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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