Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
