PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
