So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
