His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
