I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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