Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My friends, they love my intelligence
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
