I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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