Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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