My nipple is on Facebook.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
