Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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