I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
