11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
