I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There's always time for handjobs
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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