I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
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Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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