Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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