You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
