Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
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