Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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