I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
