I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
